Life Stories & how they continue on even after you die

I've sort of come to this conclusion several times over now in the past several months... You know sometimes your life story simply ends with no rhyme or reason - other times you foretell the ending before it happens. You've read the story before. It's not unexpected but it's not without bitterness. However the true comfort is that just because your life story has ended doesn't mean it's truly over. It will remain within the libraries that your loved ones carry with them. A collection of moments, experiences and encounters. So long as there are people here who still remember you and pass your story along, it never truly dies. It still exists, it's perhaps ended but people will still read it and remember it.

 — feeling incomplete.

Loss of people especially people you never expect to lose and secondly you never realize how much they meant to you upon their passing. It's like a puzzle and no matter what you do you'll never have the pieces. They are gone - and I will will likely never get them back. Loss brings so many emotions regret mostly - of missed chances and opportunities and of questions that will likely never get answers. However you sit there with your incomplete puzzle and you treasure the pieces you do have - the picture it does create albeit not fully.

Grief is such a tricky thing to try to explain let alone to begin to understand. With it comes so many things. It's like this unwanted Pandora box that you didn't realize would impact your life to such an extent. I will probably dig up my early posts about loss of loved ones that I wrote on the other two occasions that I came face to face with death earlier this year

I wish more than anything I could bring the people back I lost however I cannot do this - no one can. We must try to move forward as best we can even if we don't even know how that is. We have to try to find the lessons that each day bring us be it ones we never wanted to learn or those we so patiently spent mastering.

Life or at least ourselves are very much like magnets without the positives and the negatives we cannot live in one piece. We need a little bit of both in order to grow. We have the power within ourselves to attract things and dispel them at our own choosing.

So right now though it seems impossible I'm going to accept that today was another unexpectedly tragic day but there is something here to learn from - to grow from

You know sometimes your life story simply ends with no rhyme or reason - other times you foretell the ending before it happens. You've read the story before. It's not unexpected but it's not without bitterness. However the true comfort is that just because your life story has ended doesn't mean it's truly over. It will remain within the libraries that your loved ones carry with them. A collection of moments, experiences and encounters. So long as there are people here who still remember you and pass your story along, it never truly dies. It still exists, it's perhaps ended but people will still read it and remember it.

Losing people is NOT FUN

So back in May when my friend passed away I wrote a few different things with regards to Death & loss and what not. Sort of a way to cope and what not. However when I was writing those things in May I truly had no clue I would be referencing it so much afterwards.

I learned today that a Man I consider to be my Grandfather passed away yesterday. Mind you he was in his 80's and had an incredibly long & wonderful life - Living to see not one but two Great Grandchildren (3 if you count his step grandson) and luckily he was able to meet his Great Grandson in the fall and catch up with his Great Grand Daughter. In the end this is what he wanted - he more or less choose this time to leave us. But it's still very hard as he was a part of my life  for so very long. I became fast friends with his Grand Daughter when we were both five (We are 20 days apart in age thus both 23) and he has been in my life since. So that's what 18 years? My math is foggy tonight; my head is foggy tonight.

I really had high hopes for 2015 after such a really difficult 2014.
I had to come face to face with fire and deal with the after math of having had a small House fire. This was followed by the death of my Young friend (only 20) in May which proceeded my father ending up in Hospital for a month & going without a bathroom upstairs for 3 months. Well my father was in Hospital he became friends with his Hospital Mate (Like a roomate) Karl who shared his room for like 95% of their stay. Naturally we befriended Karl who didn't have many friends however he sadly passed away in July.
In the last few days of 2014 I had high hopes, 2014 was nearly done. I was ready to say good bye to loss & sadness. And then on New Years Eve I found out my cousin passed away.

Now the weekend of her funeral (I wasn't able to attend, my mom got to go I stayed home to look after my dad) literally the day after I loss My Grandfather Ken. So brilliant way to start 2015 hey.

Anyway
So anyway I will probably be posting lot's of my previous thoughts about my friend/loss/grief/dealing with death and what not...

The odd comfort of my cousin's passing is that her passing was a transition from Pain to being Pain free. She is in a place where her body is now her own and no longer plagued with cancer. However now it's her loved ones that are experiencing pain - the pain from losing her.

Chelsea's Year of Change and her strange 2014 reflective ramblings

Chelsea's Reflective ramblings from 2014

AND HOW a HOUSE FIRE created CHANGE 

So 2014 for the most part was just not my year. I suffered the tragic loss of 3 people in my life (Will probably post more about the in a different post) the 3rd person passed away yesterday New Years Eve 2014. She was my cousin, she died of cancer and she left behind 3 children & her loving husband and family. The 2nd person to pass away was a man I visited every day in hospital for a month & visited him several times in Hospice including the eve before he passed, he too died of cancer. The first person I lost was my friend Austin. He was only 20 and he passed away in a  car crash when he was heading to work early one morning in May during a freak snow storm.

The other incredibly frusterating thing that happened was I had a "Small" House fire. Frankly the fire was the easiest part. One evening after a bubble bath - a candle I thought was blown out was stored in a metal cupboard where it reignited and set the cupboard on fire (Which naturally was the fire part) and it scored the wall.

The fire was not scary - not really. When the smoke detector first went off I assumed it was the stove as I had the kettle on for a cup of tea. So I was smart enough to carry around a boiling kettle and quickly came across the bathroom blaze. I quickly tossed the boiling hot water at the flames and jumped into the full tub (luckily I don't drain the tub right away) and was able to put it out fairly quickly.

I remember my parents were freaking out (natural of course) like OMG call 911 - fire - smoke AHHHH. AND  I am like NO ONE CALL 911 I GOT this. And I sort of did (PLEASE NOTE I DO NOT RECOMMEND YOU FOLLOW MY COURSE of ACTION. PERIOD! This was a small, very, small, contained fire that was mere inches from a vast water supply. Frankly if those were not the circumstances I'm sure it would've been different...

So not only did I go face to face with the wall of flames but I chased the smoke out my house (again CALL 911 air cleaning is part of the whole fire fighting tool that I stubbornly recjected.) I also assisted with removing the wreckage of the once was metal cabinet from the wall. This thing literally would break off (in still smoldering) pieces as  I pried/unscrewed/ yanked and tugged it off the wall and deposited it outside on my porch where there are still scorch marks from it.

 I also was totally determined that with total will power I COULD MAGICALLY clean the scorched/ash covered and smoke damaged bathroom. SO away I went playing a literal cinderella scrubbing and wiping and moping and just spraying and just doing pointless things...
ASH cleaning 101 kids NO WATER/No liquids...

So I spent 15 hours roughly in that little bathroom (Smallest room in house) trying to undo the massive mistake I had made. I literally spent so many hours in that stupid bathroom my skin was permanent shade of gray (2 baths, 1 total body scrub shower, one rinse shower...) My nails were stained black for a week and grossly I was coughing up black ash for awhile afterwards (AGAIN DO NOT DO WHAT I DID...)

Eventually when it came to me trying to clean the smoke stains from the ceiling I admitted my defeat in a fit of tears and allowed my mom to call insurance.

WHICH IS where the real hellish nightmare began. You know in school they always teach you about Fire precaution, fire safety plans, what to do if you catch on fire, how to put on stove fires, evacuation plans, you know how this BEFORE FIRE and During Fire but they fail to teach you about the practicality of POST FIRE 101 How to deal and what to do.
I was never taught about how to make a total/thorough Home inventory (Even pointless not so valueable crap) because oddly enough a bathroom is sort of one of those places where you put a huge assortment of things. It's the room of so many things with so many purposes. First aid, personal care items like soap/shampoo/brushes & ORAL care stuff like mouth wash/retainers/dental floss, then you have cleaning supplies, first aid kits, medications, and Beauty things like MAKEUP (including your entire collection of nail polish & EXPENSIVE perfume, stuff like body lotions. And then you have decor stuff & permanent fixtures (like towel racks.)
A persons bathroom is like a giant Narnia like vortex where every inch is consumed with a VARIETY of things.

Now you're suddenly juggling phone calls from Insurance, inspectors, restoration, restoration crew. And suddenly a rag tag crew have arrived with boxes and you have to hear them tossing/throwing or grimace as they sort out, pack up, toss out, and haul away your stuff. AND YOUR MIND is still reeling going WOAH my house still smells of smoke. OMG wait where did my beloved OPI James Bond Sand collection bottle of Pussy galore go. Where was my first childhood tooth kept (in my bathroom or the bedroom) and your stuck trying to make an inventory of your things from memory, guessing by deduction or from the pictures you took of the Kitchen posing as your new bathroom area...

See with restoration part comes confusion - misplaced items that are now neither here nor there, and were never added to official lists yet from your own inventory & Photos & even video proof you can 100% say that yes that item was in that bathroom, no the item that was in my makeup dresser was in no way fire damaged warranting decimating due to contamination & I SWear UP AND DOWN It's no where else in my house, and the last time I saw it was in that dang bathroom pre fire...

Also without an Official Inventory with no videos/photos of proof of existence nor receipt type info, date purchased, and value worth there comes DISPUTE and red tape... Mostly red tape and a bit of dispute and crap like Depreciation of value...

Like The $100 bottle of missing Juicy Couture is listed as questionable even though I had pictures of the soot covered bottle because the restoration company somehow lost it or didn't properly document all of our contents. Thus it cannot be replaced. My mom's cacti that sat on the window sill below her handmade as a child irreplaceable Window clings were also listed as non existent... Though I actually remember listening to the workers smash the hand painted cactus pots into boxes as they cleared out the bathroom.. Kinda hard to forget the sound of breaking plant pots...

Another big issue was our toilet not just the fact my Main living floor upstairs went without FOR THREE MONTHS (yes it took that long to go from a smoke ruined room, to a gutted out shell, to back to full restored status with working plumbing (literally toilet/bathtub is last things to be done...) Our toilet had literally been replaced within a 1 year period of the fire... We had receipts/plumber too, and pictures of make and model. It was a specialty higher up model for my dad to easily use... NOW did we get our toilet restored with same make & model - NO we got the really tiny in comparison apparently crap model downgrade (literally has flooded & clogged to the point where we've called a PLUMBER twice & had 2 minor floods SINCE JULY) And yet we're told well Ma'am sorry we were only designated a certain amount to spend on the toilet... Budget...cough.red.tape.cough... UM what about the contents insurance? "that doesn't always cover permanent plumbing fixtures..." OH cool so the like you know several hundred we invested in that toilet were basically just for short term kicks and you you gave us the 200 dollar Sale item? SWEET.

So this my friends is where I am putting into effect one small portion of  my over all plan of what I am calling Chelsea's YEAR of CHANGE. MAKE a freaking DETAILED & thorough PERSONAL HOUSEHOLD INVENTORY with word documents/photos/videos/and including info like date purchased/where/receipt/warranty.)  
SO next time the horribly unexpected and nightmarish situations should EVER occur (or you know something like a flood or w.e) and you have no choice but deal with INSURANCE/REstoration you can have proof and lists to back everything you claim up!!!!

SO KIDS lesson of the sad story that was Chelsea's 2014 Never ending nightmare - Don't use candles in the bathroom or SNUFF them out and stare for a few minutes... OR follow me on my journey of creating a PERSONAL HOUSEHOLD INVENTORY  WHICH IS just one tiny part of CHELSEA'S YEAR OF CHANGE!